Gaia Community: tara's Blog

What, for you, has been the best thing about getting older?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:46:07 GMT

Life is great when you realize you are (still) capeable of surprising yourself.
- from American Beauty

Let me be frank, I can't find anything being best about getting older in comparison to being younger. Yes, I do know myself a lot better & many many elements of life & living, I'm able to approach in a much more relaxed way compared to when I was about a decade younger. On the other hand, or should I say, the downside of being older & wiser means I don't get to jump boldly into ventures I haven't fully thought through, make a fool of myself & get a great laugh out of it. I am now able to foresee most consequences of my actions & acting out in emotionally immature ways have long ago become tedious. I am forced to raise the bar to keep myself entertained. I even prefer to know the other person well before I get carried away in the heights of passion. I mean, honestly, how boring is that? And another thing, yes my face now has a lot more character & the lines makes the rain run off my face easier & going braless means pulling off the wrinkles in a flash, but I still like my former nickname babyface better than old cramp. An interesting aspect to pondering this subject, is that I do not feel older. I'm deeply puzzled when I nod off at 9:30 pm on the couch & turn slightly blue in the face when sprinting for the bus. Maybe my nature is permanently immature or my levels of denial are hitting the roof, I just don't get it that I'm actually middleaged & likely have lived longer than I'm about to in the future.

Ofcourse, none of this matters as I have also evolved into a highly spiritual person with such deep awareness of my reality, that I have lost any sense of time being fully immersed in the now. tsk.

Flying Bag - American Beauty

Tags: Q&R, age, aging, maturity

What is your favorite role to play?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 18:02:02 GMT

    It's Halloween, which means dressing up for many.
    What persona do you most frequently adopt?
    What's your favorite mask or role?

When it comes to dressing up, I have more than a little difficulty picking a favorite role. I love them all, from gorilla to marie antoinette, indiana jones, marilyn, ninja warrior.

I still have my fave mask brought home from Venice that I designed the most amazing costume for and how I loved strutting about like a fine venetian aristocrat, that is until I fell asleep drunk on a table.

The pippi longstockings costume I wore when I was nine, is probably the one I adored the most. I identified so strongly with her chutzpah, independence, playfulness, big teeth and unique dresscode. Oh to be able to lift horses, jump on roofs in a flash and live like a pirate.

According to Jung we have but one persona to adopt, that is if we manage to distinguish ourselves from the ego instead of ending up being adopted by the facade we carry around. There are ofcuz many roles available for the persona to play, chosen consciously or acted out in oblivion. For obvious reasons I can't go into the latter and I'm sure anyone who knows me well could list a few. Of the conscious ones, I like the one wearing the mr fix it cap. Gotta problem? let me solve it for you. You don't even need to ask, I'm perfectly capeable of taking the initiative on that one. What you say? You don't need me to fix your problems? ..too late, I'm in the zone and there's no stopping me.

Blessed be that role, oozing competence, basking about in the glorious illusion of being in control.. of other people's lives. Hiding under the mr fix it cap comes especially handy when my own life is running amok. In addition I get to be the caring and supporting friend, the one that can be trusted to lean on when the shit hits the fan. And please, do suck every drop of energy out of me, drain me totally and give me the perfect excuse to not deal with my own stuff. The paradox being more often than not, that I play that very role when I feel like a lil scared one who could do with someone to lean on for support. The moments, and sometimes extended moments, where I can't seem to tap into that magical feeling of being courageous and absolutely invinceable behind the freckles, self supporting braids and mismatching socks.. Pippi, can you heeaar me?

There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask.
Collette

Halloween! - Bobby Pickett - Monster Mash - (HD Stereo)

Tags: Q&R, mask, persona, self, ego

Who in your life have you underestimated?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:14:12 GMT

Have you ever been pleasantly surprised by actions or words from someone

whom you didn't think had it in them?

I see us humans as bundles of potential & capabilities, equipped with maps made of values & beliefs to guide us through our territories. Sometimes values & beliefs have a restricting effect & causes the misperception that one's territory is much smaller than it actually is. Vast spaces of opportunity to become the best version of ourselves are available, albeit sometimes hidden, it is there, up for grabs. We all have it in us.

Attempting to estimate another would be a wild guess at best & judging based on limited perception at worst. Which of course hasn't stopped me from doing both. Still, plenty of room left for surprises. As I choose to see the best in others & possibly had a tendency to overestimate on occasion, my surprises have been of the unpleasant kind. Which on the other hand has taught me to not underestimate the predictability of human stupidity. Now, there's a foolproof pattern if there ever was one. The more interesting aspect is the desire to repeat the pattern. Wherein lies the gratification of doing stupid things over & over I wonder?

Back to the bundles of.. & the question at hand, yes an abundance of pleasant actions & words has come my way from kind, caring people, who open their hearts & share their joy effortlessly. I appreciate how we can deepen & grow, uncovering unknown territory within & letting our light shine for each other. I am in awe of our capacity for love.

Tags: Q&R, assessment, judgment, surprise

What would you most like to see changed in the world?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:07:11 GMT

the reluctance to share recourses.

it saddens me that a child dies of hunger every six seconds &

one billion people do not have clean water to drink

in a world wealthy beyond belief.

photo: water to the world from www.ashesandsnow.org

Tags: Q&R, change, world, planet, humanity

Is your birth name the name that's "yours"?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 12:54:10 GMT

The short answer: no.

-And if you really want to know: my birth name was bitten schelde hansen & growing up in the southern part of denmark, our lingo would suffer the occasional inspiration from german, so my first nick was bitschenlein which translates to lil bit. Not to be confused with the english word bitch, that particular nick was thrown in for good measure later. I'll get back to that. During college years I had the pleasure of being called baby face, benjamin cuz I was the youngest & bitschenlein morphed into bits.

I partly changed my sir name to my mother's maiden name a few years after my father died. His family were not the nicest people & I didn't feel comfortable being linked to that crowd, so I changed from schelde hansen to hansen bisgaard & out into the big world I went, bitten hansen bisgaard, still nicked as bits. I bumped into an australian on a ferry boat from brindisi to corfu & accidently married him a couple of years later. This caused another name change to bitten bisgaard griffiths, my nick to shorten into bit with a certain someone occasionally adding -ch. The name bitten also had the fun sideeffect of making aussies burst into spontaneously singing 'once bitten, twice shy', what a hoot that was.. the first few mths.

The aussie prince eventually morphed into a frog & my name got buffed down to bitten bisgaard. Legally, the hansen bit was still there, but only used when signing official papers. 'Keeping it simple' was slowly sliding into my life, to be followed by a nationwide trend of cutting one's sir name down to a letter, which made me bitten b. for a while. My first name had long ago lost it's appeal to me due to the lack of meaning behind it. Appearently it's a french nick for brigitte & that's all there is to it. I'd been toying with names like Cecilia & a variety of old nordic names, none of which really felt like me. I find that changing one's first name to be a rather big deal, (although not legally, in dk it's easy & free), there's a specific energy attached to a name so it has to be a snug fit.

I chose my current name after having gone through a long dark night of the soul. The tibetan goddess of compassion, greenheart tara, was my inspiration. Emerging from the muddy waters into a new beginning called for a symbolic ritual. The major new insight being the knowledge that it was high time to start treating myself with kindness & compassion, tara is the perfect reminder to keep doing just that. I found my snug fit. Some of you do notice that I write my name with a t rather than a T ( thank you for that, big letters come across to me as somewhat bombastic aka less aesthetic, hence the choice). I decided to alert the less observant by using the monicker 'tara -with a little t' a while back & some witty gais still call me little t on occasion. cute.

To get on the good side of my grandmother (she dislikes change as much as I adore it), I added rosted to my name. It means quiet place & I quite like that. It's her mother's middle name, but it had no effect. She still calls me bitten with a stubborn frown. So much for that. tara rosted bisgaard. I don't use rosted much, pronounced in english with a hard d, (in danish it's a soft d like the spanish one) it sounds like roasted & makes me think of chicken. Try not to think of chicken when you say the word rosted.

- Amazing what's in a name, it's really just a word, a compilation of letters, a form, a sound, & can also hold a lot of meaning in one's mind as it does in mine. I love my name, the way it sounds & makes me feel, & mostly that I chose tara for me.

Antony And The Johnsons 'Kiss My Name' 2009

Tags: Q&R, names, naming, real name, snippets of life story, antony and the johnsons

What experiences do you think are important for children to have?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 08:00:29 GMT

to be looked at with kind, loving eyes & given accept, appreciation & attention.

same thing goes for adults btw.

I would define love very simply: as a potent blend of openness and warmth,

which allows us to make real contact, to take delight in and appreciate,

and to be at one with- our selves, others, and life itself.

openness - the heart's pure, unconditional yes- is love's essence.

and warmth is love's basic expression, arising as a natural

extension of this yes- the desire to reach out and touch,

connect with, and nourish what we love.

john welwood

Leonard Cohen - Love Itself

Tags: Q&R, experiences, childhood, love is the answer, great quotes, john welwood, leonard cohen

fantasy revisited

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 12:08:26 GMT

If you could take the next month off, what would you do?

For real? I'd have to pass. The next months are offering me a great opportunity to train for a new line of work in Human Resources & I'm soo excited! I love learning & I can't wait to fill my brain with new knowledge & getting more tools to play with, yay! Not even the fact that this incarnated Macbabe fan is going to be firing up the PC! & diving into the world of word & other unknown microsoft entities on a daily base, is causing her to pause. I might involuntarily break out in hives due to excessive PC exposure & have to apply ointments, but I'll cope.

Hypothetically? All obligations paused (add big bag of money), I would soo be travelling. I'm restlessly restless, aching to be highly adventurous & most of all, dying to meet you my gorgeous friends. First stop would be Portugal for a taste of Victoria's vision, Barbados for some frolicking on the beach with Sherri, then off to Canada (Yo! Bridget & mimi) & finally cruising the U.S. I imagine a cross country drive popping in for a face2face with each lovely soul I've come to know & adore these past 2 1/2 yrs on Gaia. Too many Americans to mention & if this flight of fantasy was for real, I'd say, get ready for a surprise visit soonish. And a certain someone in a village in England, who serves up scones with strawberry jam & cream for afternoon tea, can put on the kettle too. Now, add a couple more months & you're looking at a word picture perfect of tara dreaming.. Ooh, that travel bug has a distinctive bite.

Tags: QaR, month, break, vacation, time, wishful thinking, fab vids, bjork

the truth & beauty of reality

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 17:32:58 GMT

What was the last thing that touched your heart?

[ presence ]

A new friend who took the time to not only really listen to me, but also shared some stories from her own life, with much resemblance to my own experiences. Her empathy & her choice to trust me with her personal pain touched my heart. Sometimes sharing holds the greatest comfort & makes the feeling of fundamental aloneness embraceable.

I spent time last week delighting in many a short film during the 20'th something OFF, Odense Film Festival. It's amazing how strong an impact a story of 6 min's can have & how deeply moved I would feel coming out of the cinema, having to sit quietly for a while after to digest the narratives. It struck me how several of the films told the story of how a single moment, a decision, one mistake, can become a pivotal & life changing event in a human's existence.

One of the films, Side by Side, told a real story about two neighbours who hadn't spoken with each other for almost 20 years due to a simple misunderstanding. Both of them feeling sure they knew the truth & never bothered to investigate further. Instead they put up 2 hedges between them to ensure they wouldn't have to communicate. The story unravels what really happened & ends with one of the men apologizing to the other, who instantly forgives him. That one opened up a flood of tears & a feeling of gratitude, of reassurement that essentiel goodness is the heart of human nature.

A film maker shared waiting time till the next screening & whilst, he entertained with telling stories. Stories that had captured him, or merely a sequence in the story that he felt had something deeper hidden he wanted to explore visually. His passion for his work & the compassion he felt for people in the stories he shared, touched me & made me feel yet again how creativity is at the core of one's life force.

No thing moves me more than another human's true presence. The willingness & the capacity to open the heart to whatever is, sharing passion, pain, loneliness, the pure delight of being alive & the comfort of silence when words become redundant. We are amazing creatures who shine so brilliantly bright when we give each other the present of presence. Love, truth & beauty holds their breath when souls dance in the intimate delicacy of reality shared.

photo from flickr by flavio

Tags: QaR, compassion, heart, beauty truth reality

How do you feel about your life in this moment?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:58:10 GMT

I feel.... oops! - there goes the moment ('o')

Tags: Q&R, life, feelings, present

human be[do]ing

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 10:39:47 GMT

[ green dream by anne lepke ]

Do I know what I am here for?
I am here to love & be loved, be compassionate & supportive,
to laugh, dance, learn, evolve, share & be inspiring..

Do I know why am I here? No.

Do I have a sense for what it is I'm meant to be doing?

I don't think there is a preset meaning to me being here & if I came with a to do list, someone misplaced it. The egomind thrives on the notion of self importance, which could be why the idea exists to begin with. I can however use that to my advantage by creating a life with meaning. As a human, I am more of a nuisance than of benefit to this planet's eco system, so what I can do, is to make as little mess as possible while I go about curiously experiencing my reality as it unfolds..

Choir of Young Believers - "Action/Reaction"

Tags: QaR, purpose, meaning, mission

honestly

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:46:26 GMT

Do you believe honesty is always best?

[ reflection ]

I believe honesty is the only way, it's a way of being. There are no degrees of honesty, if you are not completely honest in your speech, you are either lying or lying by omission. In the odd case where honesty is not an option, staying silent probably is. I don't tell you if I find your ass look fat in those jeans (unless you ask) & it doesn't make me a liar, It's just none of my business & besides, you know that already. You have eyes.

I hurt when being lied to, it goes deep bc I grew up with parents who weren't able to face the reality of their lives & lied to cover feelings of shame & guilt. It confused me & made me not trust my intuition, something i've worked hard on changing. What saddens me more, is the consequence dishonesty has on the person practicing it. Lying to someone else is lying to yourself & it has the rippling effect of doubting others bc you can't be trusted yourself. The more it's done, the easier it becomes until it becomes a way of life. The ability to be authentic & to connect in an authentic way will eventually be by gones.

Being untrue to spare people's feelings sounds ever so noble, but the 'I know what's best for you' is an arrogant way of thinking. Mostly a way to protect oneself, justifying the choice of not wanting to be the messenger of what is percieved as an inconvient truth. And the truth is per se inconvient to anyone living in a sugarcoated version of reality. There are gentle ways of sharing, but when truth itself is not appreciated, it's likely going to hurt no matter. I don't personally need gentle if it means not letting me know excactly how it is. I coped with the truth about Santa when I was five & I've progressed since. If I for some reason am unable to detect the truth for myself, how am I going to know if you don't tell me?

When i'm not told the truth, I feel disrespected, unsafe in the relation & somewhat forced to be less than authentic myself. I find dishonest people to be afraid of the truth & telling that I know when being lied to, usually has dire consequences in the form of unpleasant projections being hurled about. So, I've stopped doing that & instead tried sharing that honesty is my highest value & that childhood experiences combined with nlp skills, has turned me into a highly sensitive lie detector. Which makes no difference ofcuz, liars are oddly cocky when it comes to believing they get away with it.

Statistic says we lie on average six times a day, little lies as well as big fat ones. Being dishonest is an ingrained pattern & quite often done with little awareness. No, this is not a pattern exclusive to politicians, it's widely spread among humanity. It puzzles me how truth can be scarier than lies & how living a life without integrity can be preferred. And no, I'm not a truth telling saint, I just know the times when I compromised to protect myself, I'm sure I felt my soul crumble a lil. It did however have no effect on the size of my ass in those jeans.

photo by elisabeth gustafson

Tags: QaR, honesty, truth, honest, beauty truth reality

What would it be like to be blind?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 13:18:50 GMT

[ l'essentielle cest invisible pour le yeux ]

I imagine if I were to become blind now, I'd be absolutely devastated & likely horrified. My biggest fear is limitations, so not being able to see, would be a version of worst nightmare come true. I guess it's fair to assume I could easily hurl myself into a deep depression & be bumping into things a lot for quite a while. On the other hand, if my higher self got a grip on the sit asap, I might be able to let it flow, aka rage & grieve like a mad woman for a bit, then let it go & get on with life, maybe with a heightened appreciation of sounds, scents, tastes & touching over time. Hard to tell really, could go either way.

I studied nlp with a blind person, who lost her sight during childhood. The sense of loss had a profound effect on her personality, an ever present underlying sadness & difficulty with accepting that loss. Physically, restricted & insecure, choosing to have her dog with her at all times. The remembrance of having been able to move freely, seemed to limit her in exploring her current capabilities. Her auditive & kinestethic senses were greatly enhanced, & when training, she'd be able to gather a lot of info with a light touch, sensing the slightest tension or change. Being able to make an accurate assessment without monitoring facial expressions & esp eye movements, was quite astounding.

I also spent a week with a group of blind people, trekking up a mountain in Andalusia. Most of them, blind as bats & have been since birth. Now, they were all high achievers, being on the Paralympic Goal Ball team & very used to moving about, but that didn't stop me from being flabbergasted & in awe, that they would take on such a challenge. We also did absailing, crossing a river on a rope & a few other typical teambuilding exercises. They did everything with ease, high spirits & lots of laughter. The only difference I experienced, was the trekking pace. We moved slowly & as a guide, I'd be giving directions, often one step at a time. i felt like I was on a week long zenwalk & my lack of patience soon proved to be a bigger challenge for me, than lack of seeing was for them.

I know it would be a radically different experience to be a being without the visual comprehension of my environment, like fx light, my body & everything else to name a few. This is assuming of course that I wasn't born blind. If I'd always been blind, there wouldn't be anything different, it would be the only experience. I don't know what that experience specifically entails, as I'm limited by being a seeing person & can't help but engsge in imaginary comparison. i've only ever experienced being blinded by love, which is a different story altogether. The knowledge i have from spending time with blind people, tells me it is as impossible to generalize about what it would be like to be blind, as it would be about the seeing ones. Being (blind or not) is an individual experience & come to think of it, describing what it is like to merely be a being to begin with, would be rather tricky too.

Antony & Lou Reed : Candy Says

photo from flickr by me on flickr

Tags: QaR, blindness, seeing, vision

what are you searching for?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 18:53:49 GMT

what have you been looking for?

what are you seeking?

acceptance of what is, a better bike, a new direction, balance, better timing..can I have one disaster at a time, pluueze?, bliss, cheap airfares to portugal, courage to let go, deeper awareness & pos enlightenment, fab authors whose work I'll fall instantly in love with & read, read, read, inner peace & outer sparkle on a permanent basis, inspiration & innovative ideas that will make me buzz with excitement, love, laughter & lightness in abundance, miracles, modesty might come in handy right about now, more divine music to lift my spirit to the sky, more time to read blogs here, longer lasting flowers for my balcony, my next beloved (still!), questions to keep me curiously pondering, stronger abs, the next adventure, the perfect smoothie & or ice tea (must contain mint cuz mine are growing like mad) the switch that turns off the chatter in my mind..for good, the place where I belong & cats would like, the ultimate quote, to be able to stretch further & understand more, ways to age with grace, wondrous words,.....oh I forgot one, simplicity.

Bliss - Dunia

photo from flickr by backroom.angel/dave

Tags: QaR, seeking, searching

What have you lost in your life?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 10:12:33 GMT

a sizeable chunk of ego when I met humble

any hope of a better past when I forgave

myself in moments of little deaths

some ambition & certain desires

heels, keys, shades & patience

reason to momentary madness

friends, family, feeble notions

that grand illusion of control

the belief that anything

belonged to me

to begin with

Tags: QaR, lost, letting go, giving up

Why and how are you an inspiration?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 16:05:57 GMT

[ a calejdoscopian view ]

Showing up is a prerequisite for being an inspiration, something I've hardly done here for weeks. Words have not been flowing, my mind has been unruly, going off in all kinds of directions with the rest of me trying to keep up, feeling scattered more than anything. Trying to control a mind running rampant is ofcuz futile & excactly what I have been attempting. Resisting what is creates blockage in the creative veins. Some things are hard to learn & sometimes the greatest inspiration comes from figuring out what not to do by doing it.

Sharing my experiences, thoughts, feelings & tools for life that I've aquired on my journey is how I see myself being an inspiration. I've learned through feedback & listening to others, that the more fucked up one's life story is, the more potential one has for being an inspiration. I often find it's in the embrace of hardship & mistakes, aha moments occur. I'm a reframer inc. & I ask what can I learn from this experience, where's the gift? So far it seems I've found more pearls when cracking open the shells of tough moments than surfing on waves of bliss.

Why I am an inspiration is probably best answered by the ones who find me inspirational & luckily I happen to be one of them. Curiosity fuels my passion for this calejdoscopic conglumerate called life & my desire to understand the human experience. When we shine our light, we hold an open space for us to share the unique facets of our personalities & frolick in creativity.

Gangaji says be naked in the splendour of the truth of who you are. I find in that splendour of truth, in the raw, naked humanness we share when we are being true to ourselves, that inspiration flows in abundance. And I become an inspiration because I have the opportunity to be inspired by you being you.

Joni Mitchell-Hejira (Live in Japan)

Tags: QaR, inspiration, inspiring, life, love, passion

Where in your life are you happiest?

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 08:37:21 GMT

There is only one where & when in my life which is reaL & that is here now. This kinda leaves me with nothing for comparison so I might just settle for momentarily happy. When I know where I am, present & aware, I feel sensations like a softness, openness. It's subtle & delicate, a feel of ease & stillness inside. Sometimes I'm not sure where the inside stops & the outside begins. Sometimes I feel a tingling, vibrating energy & I'm sure there are lil bubbles of joy floating about in the space in between. And sometimes the word lovely comes to mind & I smile.

Tags: QaR, happiness, life, fulfillment, joy

a breeze of ease

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Sat, 23 May 2009 09:56:14 GMT

what are your favorite 15 minutes of the day?

[ cherish the moment ]

I've had my 15 minutes tee hee.. let them go in favor of moments &..

prefer to not indulge my ego's tendency to compare & rank some things better than others as I go about practicing being with what is as it is... but I do cherish the feeling of hereness, of being here right now, aware, calm & paying attention to whatever arises. I find that being present in itself holds a sweet, delicate texture of intimacy, an openness & sense of joy that transends or rather is detached from whatever I happen to be doing in the moment. Since I'm not beyond preferences, of craving certain activities more than others, I cheat... I appreciate the breeze of inner peace that flow through me during meditation & anchor the sensation in the minutes right after. When the feeling of restlessness comes over me, a feeling often linked to doings I'm not all that toffeed about, like fx doing the dishes, I activate my anchor & let the breeze flow over me. And it works, on some days... on other days I indulge & reward myself afterwards with something I cherish. tsk.

Sade - Cherish The Day (Video)

photo from flickr by sabine

Tags: QaR, minutes, time, day, favorite times

a practice of presence

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Fri, 22 May 2009 07:52:47 GMT

what question would you like to be asked each day?

I like to ask myself:

are you paying attention?

(bonus questions:)

where are you right now?

what are you experiencing right now?

are you bringing awareness into the present moment?

are you being real?

bonus questions are from the unfolding now by a.h.almaas

Tags: QaR, question, values, reminders, spacecruiser, a.h.almaas

this little light of mine

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Wed, 20 May 2009 11:41:54 GMT

what do you not like to look at? are you afraid of your own greatness,

your own potential? what secrets do you hide even from yourself?

My thighs can be rather scary to look at, depending on the angle & amount of light thrown in their direction. Apart from that, I've quite taken a liking to looking at what I do not like. I do not like keeping secrets from myself (which in this context, I interprete as meaning anything I keep wrapped out of fear.) It's in the examination & understanding of inhibiting beliefs, the path to one's potential & greatness is found. I've been blessed with the opportunity of observing people who keep secrets from themselves & saw how fear of being real caused hearts to close, souls to crumble & bodies to harden in emotional rigidity... A valuable lesson indeed.

There is nothing to be afraid of & the only way to know that is to look & to keep looking. The shadow holds as much of one's potential as any other human qualities. Whatever lurks in hidden places, looses it's negative power when the light of acceptance is shed upon it. That's no secret I know, highly unlikely to find a self help book these days that doesn't contain that very sentence. And it's true, I'm telling ya...Yes, the egomind says otherwise, it learned to label some things good & strong & other things weak & bad.

Fear teaches us that & it's a lie. Believing it adds guilt & vupti, the wellknown combo called shame rules perception. Let that fester for a while & it turns poisonous with an uncanny ability to nibble away on one's authenticity & power... Not to mention the devastating effect it has on one's personality, poisonous shame shows it's face as passive aggressive reactive patterns, judging others & or a variety of negative projections hurled at who ever happens to be within range. Not a pretty picture & so accurate a reflection of how we treat ourselves when we don't want to look at what we don't like.

Loooking for the treasure of truth is a marvelous practice, dance with the demons & they become friends. The more it's done, the easier it becomes to do with an open curious mind. Familiarity breeds acceptance & the ability to truly love every bit of oneself... I'm not afraid of my potential & greatness, but I have been afraid of what could happen when flaunting it. An unhealthy loyalty to the crumbled souls mentioned above did prevent me from getting real & looking for the switch that turns on my light. Doing that meant betraying them & everything they stand for, risking shining brighter & loosing their love.. And sometimes worst case scenarios do happen & sometimes it's the best thing that can happen.

Bj?rk Wanderlust Complete Video

photo: universe as symphony orchestra by dawn dexter

Tags: QaR, secrets, self, beauty truth reality, mode indigo, dawn dexter, bjork

QaR blogathon day 30 woo hoo!

http://tara-b.gaia.com — Fri, 15 May 2009 11:13:17 GMT

where would you like to go deeper?

what would you like to investigate further?

what areas of your life are calling you to explore more?

[ candy4u ]

What a brilliant question for today. This happens to be the last day of a 30 day QaR blogathon I decided to commit to with the intention of getting my creative juices flowing again. I find that showing up here for a daily reflection, is a great exercise for getting back into a flow, such a gift to have this opportunity for expression delivered in one's mailbox every day. Thank you Siona for providing the community with the Qar's, I absolutely adore this corner of Gaia. Also a VERY BIG THANK YOU to the gais in the blogathon gang, who took on the commitment to play along for 30 days. I've felt greatly supported & more so, very inspired by your blogs & your presence.

I came across this site recently, it looks like a fun place to go, at least virtually with all the stuff to click on. Try it out & imagine us going there for a lovely dinner & creative inputs, my treat ;-) I'm adding the song below, actually passing on a gift from Jeannie a while ago, that i've been humming along with quite a few times during the last month. Check out the bird & the bee, I find their way of expression to be very sweet & uplifting in between the more jazzy tunes I often listen to when writing.

Back to the question, I would like to apply the habit of writing daily in english, onto exploring my creative abilities further by committing to the assignments in the diving deeper group for one. The poets workshop also has an intriguing appeal to it, I would so like to learn how to write a decent poem. These projects have been on my wanting to do list for quite some time. I have been stalling, my lazyness keeps pulling me into the comfortzone of the QaR. It's so much easier for me to respond to a specific questione than going freestyle in english. And too time consuming having to translate from first to second language.

I'd also like to allocate more time to contemplate the QaR's. The times I've been doing that during the last month, has provided me with reflections I'm able to use in my personal process. My absolute fave area for going deeper & also an area that sometimes gets heavy & intense to deal with. I would really like for the flow of creativity that I've been tapping into again, to grow stronger & melt into other areas in my life where bursts of inspiration & lighthearted playfulness would be an über handy asset when investigating further.

The Bird and the Bee performs on Jimmy Kimmel Live

photo from flickr by Katie

Tags: QaR, life, exploration, insight, intuition