I aspire to love with an open & nonattached heart, practicing acceptance, understanding & forgivness. I have momentary experiences when immersed in tantric play of giving & receiving love that feels free of restrictions & conditions. Unconditional love as a consistent experience, means to me to love everybody no matter what & that I have so far yet to achieve. In the case of Hitler & other mass murderers fx, I'm not even close to feeling compassion; Could be I haven't tried hard enough. There are people I fully accept for who they are, who I love to the point of my heart bursting regardless of their degree of love for me & there are people I used to feel that way about & don't no more. In the matter of the latter I stopped trying, which could be why.

Maybe it is the easy way out to question the actual reality of unconditional love. It's a wonderful concept & I think a much aspired one because it sounds like the ultimate kind of love, the highest I can achieve & because that is soo how I would like to love & be loved, solely based on who I am, not on what I do or do not do. To be able to give & receive love free of projections means to have reached a position of complete self acceptance & self love & to get there, a certain level of awareness (& hard work) is required. Could be that aspiring to levitate would be more fun in the long run & that unconditional love as a permament happening is an impossibilty in a life of impermanence.

And maybe it is the story of Jesus of whom it's said he mastered the concept of unconditional love, that put the notion of such in our minds. It is a choice to believe whether the story is real or not & if so, he was a human like the rest of us & I can't help but ponder just how toffeed he felt about Judas in certain moments. I know for sure that the highly evolved spiritual beings I've met, have had the occasional relapse into mere humanness & the ones whose unconditional love I took for granted, proved me wrong.  Being a product to a certain degree of my experiences & conditions could be what makes me  aspire to feel compassion & lovingkindness for others & feel selective when it comes to loving all the way. Whatever the reason, that too might be a lofty aspiration & definetely splendid if I were to levitate as well.

I think life is a learning experience in itself, besides possibly being a coincidental happening. Luckily one does not exclude the other. Whatever I choose to believe, it is in the choice & not the belief where my life unfolds. What can I learn from this experience? What is the gift? are two questions guiding me through this calejdoscopic conglumerate called life. 

Growing up the question was more like what is the purpose of this experience? A quest to understand was launched with that question & became a survival mechanism in a childhood of crazy dysfunctionality. When I was able to find an explanantion to the often erratic & terrifying behavior that seemed to be enacted again & again, I felt less terrified & therefore eager to learn more.

Being inspired by what not to do was a great gift & very motivating for learning what to do. And a great gift, realizing the importance of getting to know myself & understand human nature, something which motivates me to learn to stay open & curious. Learning to grow & esp keeping at it, opens up to new possibilities, new questions & new experiences. Looking at the sky, imagining the vastness of the universe, searching for a truth in spirituality, leaves many a question unanswered.

And maybe that is the purpose of the many questions, that they keep being questions. I know for sure that there is something here that is more than me & you without having an answer or a word to what that is. I know it because it shows itself in the ways we express ourselves creatively through art, music, words, the energy between two people loving each other, a certain magic in a moment, a space in between  thoughts & questions unanswered. It is in the compassionate sharing of our humanness that I learn understanding is more about acceptance than it is about knowing the answers.

The more I learn, I learn that in the learning to unlearn lies the gift of awareness, of paying attention. Watching stars dance as an image of the eternal questions shows me that it is in the embrace of uncertainty that living takes place. Maybe it is in the maybe, of not knowing for sure, that it is possible to let go in the favor of being fully present in the only reality of this life, in the experience of this moment now.